Chris Brown to Rihanna: MARRY ME FOR REAL!

Will we ever get to experience a time in which Chris Brown isn’t creepy and sketchy and awful?

It’s not very likely, but man, it sure sounds nice.

Unfortunately, Chris has been awful for years and years and years at this point.

And you know what they say about teaching an old dog new tricks.

(It seems weird that the only tricks this dog was ever taught were a few cool dance moves and how to be violent and scary, but whatever.)

Chris became famous in 2005 when he released his debut album, and a few years later in 2009, he was arrested for beating Rihanna .

Ever since then, things have been falling apart.

He’s gotten in trouble several times for assault and destroying property — you know, just overly aggressive douchebag things.

His longtime girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, has said that he abused her and threatened to kill her .

She has a restraining order against him now.

Most recently, he was arrested in July for felony battery after punching a photographer in a club.

Chris also does this really terrible thing, and although it isn’t illegal, it is truly terrifying.

He’s just kind of been fixated on Rihanna ever since 2009 — you’ve noticed it, right?

He’s dropped her name in countless interviews, even though he really should know better, or at least have people around him who know better and could clue him in.

He leaves inappropriately flirty comments on her Instagram posts, there’s always a report floating around about how he wants her back.

And, wouldn’t you know it, we have a report just like that to discuss right now!

Brace yourself, because this is spookier than anything else you’re going to see today.

OK, so Rihanna posed for this photo to promote the new Savage x Fenty collection:

She looks amazing, right?

Of course she does, this is Rihanna we’re talking about.

And as a source close to Chris explained to Hollywood Life, the photo made him feel some feelings.

“Rihanna’s new lingerie picture is straight torture for Chris,” began the source, “and not just because she’s looking so damn sexy.”

Yeah, it’s gross already — who could have possibly anticipated this?!

It gets worse, too!

“With her white lingerie and veil it makes him imagine her looking like that on her wedding night and it kills him that it may not be with him,” the source revealed.

“He still has fantasies that fate will bring them back together, when the time is right and they will have that wedding night.”

The delusions don’t stop there.

Last we heard, Rihanna was dating Hassan Jameel , but they haven’t been seen together in a few months.

And so “the fact that Rihanna isn’t really claiming any man makes Chris think that she might still be hung up on him too.”

There’s just a tiny little smidge of real talk at the end though, thank goodness.

The insider said that “The way things are right now between them it’s not something he’s fully counting on.”

This is just disturbing, isn’t it?

Chris was with Rihanna almost ten years ago.

Ten. Years.

Next February it’ll be a decade since he assaulted her.

And yes, they got back together for a little while about six years ago, but still, six years is a lot of years, too.

Why would he think that there’s even the slightest chance that she’ll marry him?

And while we’re asking questions, why does he even still have a career?

Honestly, Chris needs to just go away, forever.

No Rihanna wedding, no new music, no dumb interviews that try to find redeeming qualities in him.

He needs to pay his child support and stay away for the rest of his whole entire life.

If that’s not possible, then at least the no Rihanna wedding, OK?

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